I feel like something from my past is happening yet again in my life at present, but I try to be blah about it. By "blah", I mean "o shit am I gonna go through this again." Though lately there has been a lot of distractions, which I absolutely love, keeping me from pondering on that and I hope it stays that way.
So I was sorting out some old entries I wrote like a month or a year ago and I can't help but CRINGE just reading all that junk I wrote. I seriously want to erase it but there's this Tumblr post I read that says, "Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are and the things you never want to lose." And after much thought, I figured to just leave the entries as they are. It can be sometimes refreshing to go back and see your mistakes and pick up something from it to help you live and continue on. I once wrote that one can never truly move on, but I'm too lazy to browse a few entries back just to recall what I wrote about it. And that last sentence right tthere shows why I don't believe in moving on. Truth is, it's not really "moving on" but more of "forgetting." It's easy to forgive, but it's hard to forget. Memory is indeed truly powerful.
Anyway, waking up today felt different---for today marks the first day of formal classes. For some reason, I felt like my whole life just passed by right in front of me. It's as if time has moved on and left me, and all of a sudden I feel like my world's on pause while everyone else is on play. It was weird eating breakfast (no, it's much more weird that for the first time today I actually realized I'm back to having regular meals) and hearing the news about the accumulating heavy traffic due to first day of classes, then suddenly you hear your school getting mentioned and what. Before, we were rushing to school. Now, everyone's rushing to work. And me? I'm rushing in my own little bubble that is my head trying figure out what I want and what I plan on doing with my life in a couple of weeks/months. I have a plan. But plans change. I've been making plans for the last five years of my college life. They changed all through out and they were never perfect, but I always got away with it even if it's not according to the original plan anymore (it just makes me cringe not having to fulfill/accomplish/pursue any of it). Did I just show signs of having quarter life crisis? Or maybe it's starting to sink in that everyone's back doing something and I'm not and that I have to start looking for a job now? Shit. Reality.
On another note, I'm REALLY tempted to start a Tumblr account. There's just something fun about re-blogging random images and videos. Hm? Nah.